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Baby Mine: The Race to Answer the Daniellyn Question, "Who's Your Daddy?"

Editorial by R.J. Carter
Published: February 13, 2007

It's turning into a game of "Baby, Baby, Who Made the Baby?" as the paternity (and dare I say, inheritance) of Anna Nicole Smith's five-month-old is up for grabs. And thanks to Internet archives, a future Daniellyn Hope Marshall Stern will one day log in and read all this for herself, seeking the answer to the oft asked question, "Who Your Daddy?" And even then, the answer still might be a sad, "Nobody knows."

Dominating the news almost as much as the causes of her mother's recent early death, which has stirred much speculation coming so soon after the death of her son, Daniel, young Daniellyn has become the central star in a real-life version of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, with no shortage of Count Olafs willing to step in and claim a blood relationship.

The initial claim goes first to Anna's longtime friend and publicity handler, Howard Stern. Make that Howard K. Stern, although the way the game has been played lately, we shouldn't be too surprised if the Sirius radio shock-jock staged a publicity stunt claiming paternity himself. Smith and Howard K. Stern had a "commitment ceremony" in September of 2006 in the Bahamas, but stopped short of cementing the relationship with a legal marriage. So, technically, Smith died a single woman.

And, apparently, a busy one. Among the would-be daddies, there is Smith's ex-boyfriend, photographer Larry Birkhead, who has been claiming to be the father of Daniellyn for months, and has already submitted his DNA for testing and confirmation. The DNA question -- and Smith and Stern's consistent refusal to submission to testing for baby Daniellyn -- has been just one of the many metaphorical bottles of kerosene tossed into the media conflagration, leading many to wonder if Stern doubts his paternity or, more extreme, flat out knows his lack of it. Or maybe he's just holding on for as many paid interviews as he can get, like the one with Entertainment Tonight which, reputedly, has earned him an approximate $1.3 million paycheck.

Twisting the situation a full 180 degrees from tragedy to comedy is Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband, the purchased prince, Frederic von Anhalt. Claiming a ten-year affair with the blonde icon, Von Anhalt, 59, also said that there could be as many as 30 other potential candidates for fatherhood. His public claim to be the more likely father, because he was with Smith during the mathematically deduced time of conception, will soon become a legal one. "I'm going to make the DNA test," Von Anhalt has told the Associated Press. "If the court rules in my favor, I will go to the Bahamas and pick up the child."

Even more recently, the case took a turn for the creepy, when it was revealed that yet another candidate was in the running: J. Marshall Howard, Smith's husband, deceased for over a decade! Smith's half-sister, Donna Hogan, has submitted a manuscript for a tell-all book, Train Wreck, a copy of which was obtained by the Daily News. In the manuscript, Hogan alleges that Smith had Marshall's sperm count tested, then frozen, and intentionally became impregnated with the late oil magnate's seed as "her trump card to get the old man's estate."

What may have been viewed as the most bizarre DNA testing request came this weekend, when Smith's ex, Birkhead, made a legal play to obtain DNA evidence from Smith herself. Okay, as much question as there is about who the father is, do we really think Smith is not the mother? Ah, but there are, apparently, a couple of good reasons for this. On the sensational speculation side of things, there is a concern expressed by Birkhead's attorney, Debra Opri, who worries that Stern will bring in a different baby other than Daniellyn when the DNA test battle is finally won. Says Opri, "We had a concern because Howard K. Stern has a niece who is very similar to Dannielynn. We don't want the possibility that there's another baby being tested." Ergo, they need the DNA of Anna Nicole Smith on record as well to prove that the baby being submitted is as much hers as whomever the father is determined to be.

But there's a scientific basis for needing Smith's DNA for these tests as well. According to a statement issued from Chromosomal Laboratories, Inc., "Paternity test results and conclusions are founded in statistics and probabilities. While motherless paternity testing is a relatively common practice, it can present a number of problems, ranging from inconclusive results, or in the case of incest, a false inclusion. Including the mother is always an important quality control step in the laboratory process."

And all the players may not yet have put their markers on the board. While making no claims of paternity, pictures nonetheless have been circulated now of Anna Nicole Smith with the Bahamian Immigration Minister, D. Shane Gibson.

It all makes for great soap opera drama, until you step back and realize this is a real life situation. Here in the American Midwest, we just don't seem to have this problem with determining parentage. I suppose that's just one more bonus that comes with the value set that includes maintaining a monogamous relationship. When the problems do arise, the men are usually running away from the situation -- something Maury Povich sorts the whole problem out in an hour, not weeks -- not flocking towards it.

But then, Daniellyn is a special child, with a cash prize attached to her. Her value -- and, of course, I'm speaking solely in terms of dollars here -- is estimated by Smith's lawyer, Len Leeds, to be approximately $88 million. If, however, she's determined to be Marshall's genetic heir, that already exorbitant amount could swell to near half a billion dollars. Neither figure takes into account the inevitable movie rights that this debacle will no doubt involve soon enough.

Looking to the future, however, I find that I'm not really worrying about the feelings of Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead, or anyone else vying for the right to be Daniellyn's daddy. Instead, I feel a prescient sympathy for Daniellyn herself, pulling up this article and many others, in 2025, and worry for what she's feeling. Here's hoping that in eighteen years, she's gone from a pawn to a queen, miraculously transcending the muck and mire of her birthing ground.

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